


Happy Birthday Tiff!

by Jayjaykirschtein



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: First Person, M/M, based off Home, monologues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-30
Updated: 2014-08-30
Packaged: 2018-02-15 08:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2223009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jayjaykirschtein/pseuds/Jayjaykirschtein
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These are four monologues based off of Flute's story "Home" </p><p>Both Jean and Marco have two monologues for this and yeah. </p><p>Happy birthday my darling Tiffany! Feel free to use these monologues in the story in any way! I hope you like them!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Birthday Tiff!

This isn't in any specific order so here they are!

 

~

 

Marco 1   
“Some people pray for this. High schoolers that are embarrassed or annoyed with life. Adults that have failed marriages and just wish the pain would stop. Plenty of people wish for this, not knowing how awful it can feel. I didn’t ask for this to happen. Never really prayed for it. But life has a funny way of working. It may be God. I don’t know. But some higher power did this to me. And frankly, I’m pretty damn pissed. No one really knows how it feels until it happens to you. And this is something I don’t wish upon anyone. A clean slate. Every night I go to sleep with new memories to be stored, but they just pack their bags and leave my brain as soon as I lose consciousness. Every damn day I wake up thinking it’s my sister’s birthday, even if it’s my own. I have no memory of the day that I experienced before. I wake up and find out that my brain has been lying to me. Do you even know what that’s like? I have to wake up and find out that I’ve been living in the same day for two years. That I have a wonderful person in my life that makes me fall in love with him every day. That I am growing older and I don’t even realize it. I hate it. I want to fall in love for real. I want to remember him the next day. I want to stop being such a damn burden on everyone else. I want to actually live. One day, I’m going to wake up, grayed with age, and I won’t even know why. That terrifies me. I will never have any more real memories for the rest of my life. Every damn day I’m told about what happened a day, a month, a year before. Every day people tell me these things and I only remember them for a day. I’m not living a real life anymore. I’m living a life of unintentional ignorance and temporary emotions. People actually wish for this. People actually think that waking up with a clean slate is a good thing. It might be for one night, but every single day? No . . . It just becomes a fucking nightmare. “

 

~

 

   
Jean 1   
“This is probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. Sure there have been high school crushes and little flirtations before, but I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been in love. Well, not as in love as I am now. I know it’s love though. I know it’s real. I know it’s love because it hurts. It hurts like hell. This feeling grabs me by my hair and slams me against the dirt every fucking day of my life. But it doesn’t hurt because it’s love. It hurts because he doesn’t know it. Well no. He knows it because we all tell him about it every day. He doesn’t remember it. That’s what kills me. Every day he wakes up not remembering anything about the day before. He has no memory of who I am or what we are. At least that’s what we all think. But there is some part of me that wants to believe otherwise. A tiny part of me in the back of my brain keeps telling me that he knows who I am. That this is real. That the pain is only temporary and eventually we can be together without all of this trauma. But as always, the pain outweighs the serenity. My heart aches when I see his face and there’s nothing I can ever do to jog his memory about the nights we spent in each other’s arms. The days we walked along the beach, hand in hand. The times we spent inside when it rained making brownies and singing songs. Nothing will remind him of that. But there’s one thing that gives me hope. One tiny thing. The song. When he sings it, my heart skips a beat because it shows that there is something between us. It shows that he really is home when he’s with me. It shows that in the back of his mind, in the very depths of his sub consciousness, he remembers me. It may be far-fetched to say that but that’s what keeps me going. That’s how I know it’s love, because whenever he sings that song, all the pain just melts away as if it never existed. So in a way my mind is right. The pain may be terrible, but it’s only temporary. The pain is there for a reason. It hurts because it’s real and it matters. It hurts because I love him so much. When I look into his eyes, whether he’s smiling or not, I feel at ease. The pain withers away. I feel home. I will never stop loving him. My heart won’t let me. I will make him fall in love with me every damned day if I have to. No matter how hard it is to stay, I won’t ever leave him behind. I can’t. Because it’s real. I will show him and remind him of the love I have for him . . . for as long as I live. “  
 

~

 

Marco 2   
“He’s an angel sent down from heaven. A pretty damn bitchy angel that doesn’t have the best people skills, but an angel nonetheless. I love him. I love him so damn much but I know that feeling is only temporary and I hate it. I want to love him for the rest of my life. So I will. He goes the extra mile to make me fall for him day after day after day. So I will. I will fall in love with him over and over again. As many times as it takes. It might be an infinite amount of introductions and first kisses and first dates. I don’t care. I will live through that infinity just so that I can be with him. I may not remember him when I wake up, but something feels right when I’m with him. I look at him, and I’m home. Call me cheesy for saying that but it’s true. This is all true. True love. I love him more than words can say. I want to grow old with him. Yeah I want to know that I actually am growing old, but I just want to be near him. Nothing else matters. If he can make the effort than so can I. My brain may not retain memories but that’s what pictures and videos and writing is for, right? And my heart. My heart can retain more memories than I thought. I may not remember him when I wake up, but I know him. I do I really do. He’s in my dreams. He’s in my speech and actions. He’s in my heart and soul. I don’t remember him. I never do and probably never will. But I know him. I know him like the back of my hand and I can’t really explain why. Other than love. This is true love. I love this man more than I’ve loved anyone ever before. Nothing is going to change that. He may not exist in the past that I remember. He may not be etched into my mind as an unforgettable entity. But he is in my heart. He exists in the part that matters most. My future. No. He doesn’t exist in my future. He is my future. And I don’t know how or why this is all happening but he’s the only one that I see. None of these memories will stay with me. None of them. But I know him I do I swear. I can’t stop dreaming about him and all the wonder he can bring me. I don’t remember if he already has but I have a feeling that we’ve spent so many wonderful times together. I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to be with him and have to forget him the next day. I don’t want burden someone like that, him most of all. But I can’t get him out of my dreams. He is literally the man of my dreams and I can’t do anything about it. This is real. This is love. He’s an angel sent down from heaven to show me the happiness that I’ve lost since my injury. And I’m not gonna let that slip away.”  
   
~

 

Jean 2   
“Everything fucking sucks! I hate this. I hate all of this! Why me? Why the fuck does this have to happen to me? No not me. Why him? He didn’t do a damn thing wrong! He’s the nicest person I’ve ever met. He a fucking baker for fucks sake. Is there something terribly sinful about making beautiful cakes and other such pastries? No! There fucking isn’t! So God, Buddha, Allah, whoever the fuck you are: BACK OFF! You know what? Fuck this. Fuck all of this. I’m leaving now. I’m going and now everything will be great because he won’t remember me in the morning anyways. He doesn’t want to be a burden. I mean he never was but whatever. I’ll leave. This whole shitstorm I’ve been put through is over. And I’m never going back. . . But . . . What if I want to? What if things get bad again. What if he stops believing the videos and journals and everything else? . . . What if he stops singing the song? That’s his happy song. So what if he’s never happy again? Oh wow Jean. Shut the fuck up. You aren’t his only source of happiness. Stop thinking so damn highly of yourself. He’s better off without you. Dammit I can’t deal with this. Why did I have to fall in love with the one person that wouldn’t be able to remember me? The one person that wouldn’t be able to reciprocate the feelings. I hate this. Fuck it all. What did either of us do to deserve this pain? This hardship? This ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT!? . . . But maybe . . . Maybe this happened because it was meant to be good. Maybe we were put in each other’s lives because we were meant to be together. No. If we were meant to be then I wouldn’t have left. And why the hell do I keep playing this damn song?! The one thing that would remind me of him the most and I keep playing it over and over and over. I can’t . . . I can’t do this. I can’t handle the way I feel for him. I can’t handle the fact that everything I think about revolves around him. I can’t handle the fact that he has no idea who I am when he wakes up in the morning. It’s not fair. . . If we were meant to be, I wouldn’t have left, right? But . . . If we aren’t meant to be, then why do I feel like a pile of shit for leaving . . . Home. Home is wherever I’m with you. Should I have ever left? . . . h-home is when I’m alone with you. Maybe I shouldn’t have. Dammit. I love him so much why is this happening? I-I can’t. I have to go back. Fuck it all to hell I’m going back. I can’t leave. I promised I never would."

 

~

That's all folks!!!


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